Monochrome
by crybabydoll1
Summary: There was a darkness in her, and since the war it only seemed to be growing. She couldn't remember the Sakura Haruno she had been before her world came crashing down around her, but it seemed that everyone else did. She'd left that version of herself in the trenches, dead like everything else there. (WIP, hints of NaruSaku/SaiSaku, Sakura-centric, Grey-Sakura, explicit content.)
1. Chapter 1

_I do not own Naruto. All rights belong to Masashi Kishimoto._

 _Warning No Beta_

Chapter One

It was half past midnight. The reception probably just ended. She wondered if the whole village had made an appearance, probably, if the empty streets were any indication. It was the marriage of the future Hokage and the largest clan left standing, who _wouldn't_ want to be there? It was practically a regal event.

She snorted, toeing at the dirt, it was stiff due to the unusually cold winter Konoha was currently being cursed with. She rocked forward and the old swing gave a deep groan of protest but swayed softly at her motions, shaking some loose snow off the firm branch above her head, it fell into wet heaps at her feet.

She stared up at the starry sky, thinking if she could just disappear right then and there, if she could melt away with the snow, if _maybe_ she could feel alright again. Or if she could feel anything at all. The thought made her throat constrict painfully as she took soft gulps of the icy, burning air.

The swing came to an abrupt stop as she heaved a heavy sigh, looking down at her watch with tired eyes. They'd be heading home soon, probably drunk, to their new home. Where they'd pop out a few kids and join the domestic rat race.

Her stomach twisted painfully.

She moved off the old swing with a tired groan. As she combed a hand through her hair she thought that maybe she should head back to the hospital and see if she could convince one of the nurses to let her take over a rotation or two… or three.

Probably not. She was sure Tsunade had made sure everyone working tonight wouldn't dare. She'd have a lot of things -more specifically, _people_ \- to answer to tomorrow, but right now she didn't really give a damn.

She rooted around the pockets of her coat for a moment before pulling out a heavily fragranced pack of clove cigarettes. She placed one between her lips, reddened and slightly swollen by the sharp chill in the air.

"Need a light?"

She looked up between pink lashes to see a slightly familiar shinobi in anbu gear, he had dark hair and a carefree, goofy smile on his face. A dangerous combination.

Despite the sourness biting at her tongue, her lips curled around the cigarette into a smile, she nodded, noticing as he grew closer that his eyes were a very daring shade of hazelnut brown.

"I didn't think I'd run into you again." He smiled, offering her a silver lighter, to which she leaned forward. He hesitated for a moment before lighting it for her, a barely noticeable glimmer appearing in his eyes as he drew back.

"You did look familiar," She smiled, "Unfortunately, I can't place where we've met."

"Fortunately," he smiled, coming a little closer than before to boldly pull the cigarette from her lips, "You happened to be working the day I came in with a punctured lung." He took a long drag, his shoulders stiffening slightly, squaring out to show off the muscle in his upper body.

Her green eyes shifted from his broad chest, settling on watching his gloved fingers as he held out the cigarette to her. She once again bent forward to pinch it between her lips, allowing them to brush ever so softly against the cool leather fabric of his gloves.

His grin broadened as he seemed so follow the intent behind her behavior, his eyes wandering to the subtle curve of her neck.

"Lucky you." She breathed, the orange glow illuminating her pale features. She began to walk, allowing him to join her leisurely pace.

"I never got to thank you." He laughed, a slightly heady edge to his words as he accepted the cigarette she offered him, lighting it as he trotted beside her.

He smelled like blood and moss, and she couldn't help but think that maybe he was just what she needed to disappear for a while, something to numb the prickling in the back of her spine.

"You can now." She breathed, letting her fingers trace over his knuckles. Imagining his hands fisted in her hair…

"Oh?" He breathed, he was tall, and as he stopped to stand before her, his chin just barely brushed the hair atop her head "What could I possibly do to repay you?"

Whatever sultry purr she planned to conjure was interrupted by a very wet gob of snow that forced the man's chin to nearly slam into her head, had the pair not been two trained shinobi.

"What the fu-" the dark haired shinobi began, but as a second snowball whizzed just past his head, exploding into bits of watery lumps on her coat, he froze in an awkward stance that blocked her vision.

"I can take it from here."

Sakura scowled at the annoyingly familiar lazy drawl and pinched the bridge of her nose, feeling heat rise to her face as she pushed past the now deeply confused anbu.

"Fuck off, will you?" She hissed, seeing the mock-innocent glimmer in Kakashi's eyes as he raised his hands in defense.

"I was just on my way home when I saw my favorite student being pawed at by some strange man. What kind of man would I be if I didn't intervene?" He asserted, leaning over to shoot a look at the dark haired man from over Sakura's head.

"A living one." the pinkette scoffed, tossing her cigarette as she held Kakashi in place with a particularly venomous glare while she offered a sympathetic shrug to the now very dejected looking brunette.

Seeming to get the hint that their unwanted guest wouldn't simply wander off without causing a scene he politely said goodbye to the Hokage's apprentice with a promise to see her again.

"Seriously, an _anbu_ , Sakura? Do you know how lame those guys are?" Kakashi scoffed from behind his mask, playfully eyeing the fuming woman in front of him. He never did understand the expression 'don't poke the bear'.

"What the fuck, Kakashi?" Sakura sighed, seeming to cool off from either the barrage of snowballs or Kakashi's poor sense of humor.

"Where were you tonight?" He questioned, tone now low and accusatory. Everything she _didn't_ want to hear right now. She'd much rather be listening to whatever sweet nothings that anbu could be whispering into her ear right now, had Kakashi not made an appearance.

She shoved past the older man, allowing her shoulder to roughly rock against him as she did so, but he made it clear that her sour attitude wasn't enough to shake him- not that it ever was.

"I sat in the back." She grumbled under her breath. Annoyed that he wouldn't just _leave her alone._

"Oh yeah? In your scrubs?" He questioned with a quirk of his silvery brow.

"Your eyesight is going with old age, this is my nicest ball gown." She whipped, lighting another cigarette to try and occupy her slightly shaking hands.

"Don't know how anyone could miss that hair in a crowd." He sighed. Something in his eyes was boring through her, making her already aching stomach twist harder, her free hand balled in her pocket.

"What's it to you, anyway?" She bit, twirling the cigarette between her lips in annoyance.

"I guess you're right." He nodded, "I should just mind my own business and let my students avoid and ignore each other. Sounds like a great plan."

"Sounds like it isn't your problem."

"You know, Sakura." He stopped, the breeze catching his spiky hair as she turned to meet his gaze, her mouth twisted into a hard line around the still burning cigarette.

"Your maturity used to help keep the team together. Kept Naruto in check and kept Sasuke from getting too full of himself, I never imagined how difficult the three of you would have been if you were just as thick-headed as they were. Now it's clear that you guys would have just skulked off to sulk and cry to me when you wanted the other to know you were upset."

She threw her hands in the air, "What do you want me to do, Kakashi?" She screamed, ignoring the curious eyes of the few stragglers walking home from the bar or shop keeps closing up for the night.

"Should I just put _my_ feelings aside for the sake of everyone else, like always? Just pretend like I'm fine and that none of this ever happened, yeah? Maybe I should go and ask Naruto if he wants to get some ramen and patch things up so that every time I look at him I can remember this _shit_. Maybe I should go invite them both to my house for tea and fucking cookies so I can look at them and _remember_ why I feel like this."

She was breathing in short, ragged breaths now. Her eyes tinged red with tears and the cold air as she stood, arms up, and stared at Kakashi. His face contorted in something akin to sympathy, shock and exasperation.

"Well, _what is it you want me to do_?" She repeated, eyes scouring, scrutinizing the man. Daring him to answer her. To say something, anything.

He took a step forward, reaching out to her. She slapped his hand away, feeling the sudden urge to scratch and bite and kick and _scream._

"That's what I thought." She whispered.

As she turned her back to leave, he didn't follow her. He simply stood where she'd left him, watching her disappear into the crowd. He couldn't find it in himself to hold this against her, he knew she was speaking out of hurt. It was just… fuck. In that moment of her raw emotion, it felt like team seven was once again, just another pipe dream.

She pushed her way home, feet heavy and chest feeling _raw._ Every step felt like it was reverberating through her body. Her face stung, she wasn't sure if it was from the cold or her tears, probably a mix of the two.

The transition from the dimly lit streets to her apartment was a blur. Be it a blur induced by rage, or confusion, maybe a little from the glass of sake she'd had not long ago, but something had doubled her vision. She wanted to triple it. To fall into her bed with a bottle of sake and a medical scroll, she wanted, as always, to fucking bury it. To ignore it, to make it at least a tolerable ache she'd only feel in the late hours of the night but right now, on this night, there was nothing to quell it.

She climbed the steps to her apartment, the familiar dusty smell of old wallpaper greeting her as she shakily unlocked her door, sucking annoyed breaths through her teeth as she stumbled into the dark space and dropped her coat on the floor beside her, sinking onto the cool wooden floor.

She brought her knees to her chest, an old habit she sank back into when stressed, in that moment she felt like she was the same little girl with butchered hair and teary eyes, the girl she was before she met Ino.

The tears didn't come, but she found it harder to catch her breath as the seconds passed. Silence and darkness clothed her, cloaked her, she felt like she was sinking back into it. Whatever was holding her together was growing thinner and thinner, it felt like trying to hold water in her hands, perpetually slipping from between her fingers.

She raked a hand through her hair, ripping out a few strands in the process. She took a long glance at her watch, unable to see the dial from the glare of moonlight illuminating the face, but she didn't have were home now, probably actively fucking in the home of the former fourth hokage.

A soft tap at the glass doors near her balcony drew her out of her musings, picturing little dark haired and blue-eyed menaces running around the village streets, as she loudly cursed and pushed away from the wall with a little more force than intended, hand bursting through the plaster.

A string of curses erupted from her lips as she pushed her way to the door, shaking the powder white dust from her hand as she pushed back the curtain and cursed louder. Promptly shoving it back into place and falling down onto her couch, grumbling as the door slid open. She fanned a hand over her eyes, hissing at the pain that resided there. She wondered when the last time she didn't have a tension headache was and sincerely couldn't remember.

"These clothes are impractical."

"I agree." She muttered, feeling the couch dip near her feet as Sai plopped down beside her, through her fingers she could see him silently mussing with the bowtie at his throat, mouth in a tight line as pale, thin fingers pulled it free of it's tight knot.

"Did you come to scold me too? I'm afraid Kakashi already beat you to it." She sighed, allowing her feet to fall into his lap where the pale artist seemed to mindlessly trace the arch of her foot, humming an uneasy tune as his inky eyes scanned the dark room.

"Not particularly, though I think I probably should."

"Yeah. Thought so."

"But I won't." He assured, in his own way. The tune he was humming became more melodic in time and his thumb swept gentle circles around her ankle, she lent into the gentle touch, feeling her shoulders slowly relax into her couch cushions.

"How… was it?" Sakura asked, hesitantly. She wasn't sure if she wanted to know, but it felt wrong not to ask.

"It was… interesting? I've never attended a ceremony like that. I have heard of them, and I picked up a few books on the subject to prepare myself, but I still find it a strange concept."

"You'll have one someday, Sai." She chuckled, not much in the mood for joking but enjoying the company. Something painful still drifted below her words, and she knew he could tell it was there- but Sai was smarter than most credited him for, he'd keep his comments silent.

"Do you think so?" He hummed, the gentle circles he was rubbing into her ankle now traveled to the padding of her foot, a little harder than before. She closed her eyes at the feeling.

"If you meet the right person, yeah."

"I don't know if there is a right person for me."

"Me either, but I guess nobody really knows for sure."

"Did you…" He began, dark brows furring slightly as he seemed to focus his eyes somewhere in the blackness, mouth becoming a tight line as he seemed to slump slightly in his seat.

She knew the words that danced behind his lips, she'd heard them before. In those times, however, she thought she had an answer. Now that she looked back on her life, she supposed she always thought she had the answer.

"Do you want to find that person?" He questioned, leaning over slightly and resting his forehead against her hip. She could smell a light wash of cologne, and as she softly thumbed some of his dark tresses behind his ear, she felt her heart give an awful clench.

"I don't… I don't know." She breathed, "People… things… they change. I don't want to put my faith in someone and then wake up one day not recognizing them any more."

"Isn't change a good thing?" He asked against her shirt, his hand pressing softly against her hip.

"I don't know any more." She sighed, fingers brushing along her waist for a moment before Sai halted her motions, waving her pack of cigarettes freely with the hand not occupying her side. She gently pulled one from the back, softly rubbing the dip of his wrist in thanks as she lit it and laid back, it's orange glow illuminating his glossy hair. It cast a pretty color against his pale skin.

"I mean…" She breathed, "I tried to take a random anbu home tonight, just so I could feel _something_. I feel… cut off, does that make sense?" 

"Mm. Which anbu?" Sai hummed, his breath warming the cloth barrier between them, making the flesh against her stomach feel taut and sensitive.

"I don't think I even asked his name." She laughed, dragging her fingers through his hair with her free hand.

"It's okay to be reckless… at times, I have learned." He yawned, drawing his legs up to lay them over the arm of the couch, his fingers brushing along her ribs.

"I think you've been around us too long, Sai. You're picking up bad habits." She laughed, letting him curl closer to her side.

"Maybe."

They laid silently for a long time, she listened to his breathing and traced small circles in his shoulders and scratched softly at the nape of his neck. The warmth and closeness was a welcome feeling right now, but did nothing to calm the pounding of her heart or the ache that only seemed to feel more dangerous than before.

If she weren't a medic she'd think she was having a heart attack.

She fell into an uneasy sleep around three, and woke up alone at four. It was still dark, but there was a warmth in her home that wasn't there before. Sai must have turned on the central heating before he left, the only proof of his impromptu visit being a crinkled bowtie lying at her feet. Even the curtains were moved back into place, undisturbed.

Her limbs ached from sleeping at an unusual angle and she heard various cracks as she stretched and sat up, hair mussed and feeling stiff. She checked her watch again, oddly expecting it to encite different feelings in her than before, it didn't.

She was still here, alone, in her dark apartment.

The walk to her bathroom was more a display of muscle memory than a test of her highly honed shinobi instincts as she shuffled around her medicine cabinet for a familiar bottle of her personal reserve of self-made medicine.

She popped a few tablets into her mouth, pulsing a bit of chakra through her system to allow the drugs to spread more effectively.

She made a decent back into the hall, her fingers dancing along the scratchy striped wallpaper, they pulsed with a comforting warmth, images of sunshine dancing over their surface filled her mind. As she walked into the kitchen, she could smell fresh-cut flowers and smell freshly brewed coffee, the slightly dusty and chemical scent of a book.

Her kitchen smelled of herbs and spices, and a light echo of laughter followed her through the entirety of the room. The familiar pulsing exuded a light she couldn't quite describe. She could feel soft brushes along her shoulders, a large hand running through her hair.

Her living room was bright and airy, filled with the springtime scents of Konoha, of wildflowers and maple. Sunshine tanned her skin and freckled her cheeks, her bare feet padded along the wooden floor, to a comfortable spot just within a large beam of sunlight, she sat there, curled up with something firmly held within her hands.

It was a red twine, she thumbed and tugged and gently slid it between her fingers as she followed it's length.

It stopped in blackness, her shabby couch facing her as she wrapped her fingers tightly around her shoulders, cursing at the small mound of snow spilling from her balcony door into her apartment, she kicked it out onto the balcony as she slammed the door into place.

The grey sky outside set everything in an ugly blur as she rubbed the chilled skin on her arms with numb fingers. She checked her watch again, it was half past noon.

She groaned, stiffly returning to the bathroom to see a familiar orange bottle sitting on the rim of her sink, lid popped off at sat beside it. She groaned, placing it back inside the medicine cabinet before climbing into her yellowing bathtub, shivering from the biting air as the pipes rattled within the wall, sloshing her with a striking splash of cold water before sputtering and humming with a much more satisfactory warmth.

The shower was over quickly and did little to soothe the vengeance of her migraine.

When she finally dressed and made it back into her kitchen for a cup of coffee it was nearly one o'clock. She lent onto her elbows at her kitchen counter, staring aimlessly at nothing as she sipped at her drink, the warmth hitting her stomach and helped to quell the nearly nonexistent chill from earlier.

She took a deep breath, reminding herself that she could do this. She could show up for her shift, look Tsunade in the eyes and tell her that it was her decision and that as her mentor she should support it, and do her job like she did every day.

This had become her morning ritual and it had worked thus far, hopefully it would be enough to at least get her through the workday without complaint. It had to.

A knock at her door- front door this time, probably not a guest, stiffened her shoulders and broke her concentration. She gently toweled at her damp hair and made her way to the door, nose scrunching slightly as she realized she couldn't sense a chakra presence on the other side of the door. So not an anbu with a summons to meet with the Hokage, was that a good thing?

"Yeah?" She questioned, opening the door just enough to see a haunting splash of yellow before promptly slamming it back into place.

Or, it would have slammed back into place, if not for the insistently wedged sandal now occupying space in her apartment. She could hear a pained hiss but was slightly pushed backwards by the surprising force of the man on the other side of the door. 

"We need to talk." Was all his said as he strolled into her apartment, the door slammed behind him as he took up residence in the space between her dining room and living room. Suddenly she was met with a sea of blue and alarmingly jagged whisker marks.

"I want you out, Naruto." She whispered, green eyes definitely clashing against blue. She'd be damned if she was bullied in her own home. Not today, and not by him. Not now.

"I just don't _understand._ " He growled, throwing his hands in the air as he paced around in the small space, gripping the back of one of her dining room chairs as he seemed to keel forward, long blonde hair falling in a disheveled heap around his face.

"Is something wrong with your ears? I said-"

"I'm serious, Sakura."

The sound of her name on his lips made a familiar warmth hit her eyes, already red and blurry with anger and pain as chakra unintentionally emassed at her fists.

"What did I do to you, Sakura?" He growled, throwing the chair onto its side and striding forward to stand before her, sucking air through his teeth as his chest gave violent heaves with his unstable breaths, "was it because I told you the truth, is this your version of a tantrum-"

"You can't be fucking serious." She snarled, standing on her heels as she grabbed a fistfull of that damnded orange jumpsuit, it twisted violently in her grip as she brought her face inches from his eyes wide and acidic as she glared, mouth curled with fury.

"You think this is a tantrum, Naruto? You think I'm just _mad?"_

He tore her hand away, but didn't budge, her wrist still firmly caught in his hand as he looked down at her. His eyes swam with genuine confusion and something that made her chest ache all over again- for probably a thousand different reasons.

"I told you, Sakura. _I told you,_ we weren't together, you just decided one day that you had feelings for me. What was I supposed to do? Tear down what I finally built just because it was with someone else? What did you want me to do?"

Fat teardrops began slipping down her face and to the dip of her chin as she fell away from him, teeth practically chattering with anger as she tried to catch her breath.

"I just decided one day? Is that what you thought, Naruto?" She whispered, meeting his eyes for what she hoped would be the last time- for her sake. Maybe for his too, she didn't know.

He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off, a pained laugh filling the darkened space.

"You know, I always thought you were smarter than people took you for, maybe I was wrong. I loved you, Naruto. I didn't realize it until the day in that godforsaken village, when I told you I loved you- and maybe I didn't think it meant it at the time, but… I did. I never loved Sasuke, Naruto. Not like… he was my teammate, barely my friend, but someone I cared about. I was twelve and didn't know the fucking difference."

His mouth twisted into a tight line, opening slightly before she promptly cut him off again. Chest now wracked with laughter as she ran a shaking hand through her bubblegum locks.

"Honestly, I truly did. I loved you when I thought you were going to die in that crater with Pain, I loved you when I held your heart in my hand, I…" She was finding it harder to catch her breath as the words seemed to fall from her lips.

"I loved you." She whispered, "I loved you and I thought… I knew I was too late when you came back from that god damned mission- and I don't blame you for that. I don't blame you for your feelings. I can't."

"I…"

"I blame you for what you said though." She concluded, unable to see his face through the tears, it was probably for the best, "I didn't want to hear it, maybe I should have known, but I didn't need to hear it. If all your feelings for me ever were was another stepping stone to one-upping Sasuke, maybe you two are more alike than you think."

She didn't bother waiting for a response as she slid her coat around her shoulders, escaping through her own door. He could let himself out, he was familiar with the place, after all.

Silence coiled her around her even in the busy morning streets as she made her long-suffering trek to the hospital, eyes raw and nose bright red. When she entered the building, she could feel every stare like a bee sting. When she finally made it to her office on the third floor, she didn't even need to try and sense who would be waiting for her there.

As she collapsed into the older woman's ample chest, she sobbed in silence. A firm hand softly stroked her hair and back.

"I told that idiot it was a bad idea." She sighed, breath lacking it's usual morning edge, surprising for Tsunade.

"It's alright, Sakura." The older woman whispered, resting her chin atop her pupil's head, "It'll be alright. Even if it doesn't feel like it right now."

If there was one person who knew this, far better than Sakura ever could, it was Tsunade.


	2. Chapter 2

_do not own Naruto. All rights belong to Masashi Kishimoto._

 _Warning No Beta_

Chapter Two

Sakura picked dejectedly at her lunch, half-mindedly skimming some financial and medical papers as she tried her best to find the least-wilted piece of broccoli- the hospital cafeteria needed a serious makeover.

When she was finally starting to make a dent in the day's work, the door to her office soon flew open, where she found a very tired, angry and slightly ripe Shizune standing, face slightly flushed with heat as she fanned her face with her clipboard.

Sakura shot the woman an amused, questioning glance as she promptly slammed the door behind her.

"Room ten." Shizune groaned, stuffing a pair of latex gloves into her lab coat and dragging a hand through her choppy brown locks, "I have no idea what happened tonight but we're going to have to start doubling-up."

"Seriously?" Sakura hummed, looking up from the stack of paperwork currently overflowing from her desk. "Didn't we just hire like… three new medics?"

"They hardly know how to find a vein," The older woman sighed, falling into the uneven, wooden chair that sat in front of Sakura's desk with a long-suffering groan, "I don't know what we're going to do. Aren't these supposed to be times of peace?"

"That's relative." Sakura snorted, pushing around the steamed veggies in her bowl, "We're supposed to be getting some transfers from the academy soon, apparently people think this is a lucrative field nowadays."

Shizune snorted back in response, staring at the wall clock with darkened eyes, "I'm serious. What are we supposed to do? We've got half the kids in the village occupying the first floor with the flu, some adults too, three rooms literally packed to the brim with chunnin's and the ICU is _literally_ at capacity. At this rate I wouldn't be surprised if the new interns didn't last another week- and honestly that's being hopeful."

"I let Tsunade know, she said she'd see if she could try and bring up the construction of another wing up at the next council meeting but…" Sakura grumbled, "You know how they are."

"Stingy bastards." Shizune hissed as the pager in her pocket began sounding, she examined it for a moment before throwing her head back with a groan, "Kami, my feet are killing me."

"Here." Sakura chuckled, pushing the half-eaten bowl of veggies across the desk, "I'll take over, just try to take a look at last month's statements."

"Owe you one," Shizune smiled through a mouthful of cauliflower, tossing the still-beeping pager Sakura's way.

"Damn right." She grinned, pulling her lab coat around her shoulders and making her way into the hall. Nurses pushed and pulled every which way the the climb to the fourth floor was an obstacle course of worried friends and family and overworked medical staff, the state the hospital was in was nearly unacceptable and she knew that, but until she finished her proposition in formal writing it couldn't even be _suggested_ to the council.

She was almost certain they were just stalling.

"Kaito?" She called, gently wrapping her knuckles against the door a few times before popping her head inside, "It's doctor Haruno."

Six beds faced her as she entered, three per wall pressed parallel to her sides, the privacy curtain obscuring some, but the rhythm of even heart monitors assured her they were fine for the time being, she'd let them rest.

A Jonin she'd not met before popped out from behind one of the curtains, a brown-haired woman with Inuzuka clan markings and dark eyes stood to attention- a little worse for wear, but intact.

"He's right here." She assured, leading the pinkette down to the last bed near the wall on her right, where a younger looking man- maybe seventeen- laid silently, brown eyes focused intently on the ceiling. He had a head of curly blonde hair and an out-of-place scowl on such a cherub-like face.

"Thank you." Sakura nodded, motioning for the Jonin to step outside of the space as she drew the privacy curtain shut around the bed. The woman looked reluctant to leave but Sakura offered her what she hoped was an assuring smile, shooing her playfully- not really- out of sight.

"We were worried for a second there, Kaito." Sakura smiled, roving her green-glowing palm around his skull, "Does your head hurt?" She questioned, flashing her pen-light through his vision, his pupils reacted quickly and his eyes were able to follow the pen-tip with quick precision. So not concussed, thankfully.

The man- or was boy more appropriate? He was only a few years her junior- shook his head somewhat stiffly- which was to be expected after two days incapacitated.

"That's good," She nodded, softly rolling the cotton sheet down to his waist and raising his top, examining the gash stretching from his pelvis to the length of his sternum, it would leave an ugly scar but the stitch work was immaculate and had the circumstances been different, she would have beamed at the sight.

"Any pain in your abdomen?" She questioned, probing the muscle beneath, fixing a few nicks and tears as she did so, brow crinkling slightly at the boy's ever somber expression, "Is something the matter?"

The boy's head turned ever-so-slightly to focus an almost humorous glare her way, "Yeah, it hurts. I was gutted, why do you guys ask such stupid questions?"

"God damn it, Kaito!" The Jonin hissed, resurfacing from behind the privacy curtain- where she had been standing since being told to leave- face red and fists clenched as she hurriedly flooded the room with a string of long-suffering apologies to the pink haired medic.

Somewhat embarrassed and feeling awkward, Sakura waved the woman down, "Really, it's fine." She assured, brows knitted tightly as she turned to face the young blonde now bursting at the seams with what appeared to be a mix of annoyance and exhaustion.

"He's always like this," The Jonin sighed, shooting the boy a dark look as she stood between the pinkette and her charge, "I apologize on his behalf, Doctor Haruno."

Sakura would have felt more awkward, had the boy not been mouthing the woman's words in unison mockingly behind her back. It just made for a humorous and strangely familiar situation. She tried her best, and failed, to siffle her chuckles behind her clipboard, giving the blonde boy a playful tap on the head with it's hard surface.

"Looks like you're in good condition if you're well enough to be a brat, I'll leave you to it." She smiled as the pager in her pocket began to vibrate once again, "I've got a very important date in the clinic anyway."

The rest of her shift was a mixture of grueling hours compounding remedies for the horrific stomach flu circulating around the village children and minor check-ups and discharges of some of the shinobi patients- they never stayed longer than they needed, it seemed. Something that she was for once, grateful of. Civilians were an entirely different story.

When she was finally back in her apartment, and cleaned of the days grit and grime, she could feel an entirely new set of calluses dancing around the base of her feet and couldn't seem to shake off the stiffness in her limbs.

A soft wrap at her balcony doors made her jump, feeling slightly ashamed for not sensing the oncoming presence, but too tired to care. She shifted the curtains and sighed as Sai's eerie smile, he motioned to a brown paper bag in his hands, steaming slightly in contrast to the icy air, and she suddenly felt more compelled to welcome him into her home.

"Why don't you change into your winter gear?" She sighed as she pressed a hand to the exposed flesh at his abdomen, it tightened and flexed under her touch, she let out a small laugh as he shrugged and placed the bag down on her coffee table, "From Shizune?"

Sai nodded, sliding his anbu mask along the side of his head and rooting around through the bag a moment before pulling out a small styrofoam box and a pair of wooden chopsticks.

"You need a kotatsu."

"I don't have that many guests." She sighed, she could smell the braised tofu and the garlicky bite of kimchi, to which her stomach growled in response, when was the last time she ate a meal that wasn't pre-packaged and lukewarm?

Sai muttered something under his breath and sat cross legged on the other side of her coffee table, stuffing a few dumplings into his mouth with mild interest as she spooned a few generous portions of tofu into her mouth, it was warm and savory.

"The brown-haired woman-"

"Shizune, Sai, her name is shizune."

"She said that she needed someone to run an errand for you, why didn't you just pick up something to eat on your way home?"

"Guess I forgot."

"If you don't eat you will not perform well at your duties."

"I'm a medic, Sai. I know."

He just responded with silence, flipping through a well-worn sketchbook as he ate. His dark eyes swirling with interest as they quickly scanned each page. She studied him as he studied his art, unusually serene. Maybe due to lack of sleep and the exhaustion of her body, whichever it was she wasn't sure.

"Why do you come here so often?" Sakura questioned, resting her cheek in her hand as she studied Sai's expression- what little of it there was- her empty box of food sat forgotten on the table as his book shut with a snap.

"I like it here. It's too quiet at my place." He said, simply.

"It isn't quiet at mine?" She questioned, incredulously.

"It is, but it's a nice kind of quiet." He added, brows scrunching slightly, "It feels less lonely than mine."

She smiled softly, patting the top of his head affectionately. 

He closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. She forgot, at times, how starved of companionship Sai must have been in ROOT. She couldn't imagine how hard it had been to semi-integrate back into normal society, team seven was really the only friendship he knew.

"Do you miss the Uchiha?" Sai asked, suddenly, scanning her eyes for signs of discomfort or anger, face falling slightly as she withdrew her hand. She crossed her legs and lit a cigarette, back resting against the couch as she stared skyward, brow scrunched in thought.

"Not… not like I used to. I worry sometimes, if he's okay out there on his own, but… I guess it's silly to do that. He's lived like that for most of his life, I guess I should be more worried about him when he's home."

"Ah." Sai nodded, laying across the length of the coffee table, resting a hand on her thigh, his thumb swiping soft circles into the tender flesh.

She smiled and gave his shoulders a squeeze, "You're going on a mission soon, aren't you?"

"Hm?" He hummed in response, still massaging her thigh as his forehead rested against the surface of the small table.

"You're not usually this touchy, not that I'm complaining."

"It's nice to be physical with you."

"Yeah."

They sat in silence for a long while, and once again she didn't mind.

"Why didn't you go with him?"

"Huh?"

"The Uchiha, he asked you, didn't he? To accompany him."

"Why all the questions?" She sat up, smothering the cigarette in a nearby ashtray as she took Sai's face in her hands. He stared back at her, unblinking, his face it's usual portrait of curious innocence.

"I just thought you would, I was curious, is all."

"Jealous?" She smiled, squishing his cheeks together for emphasis.

He clutched her forearms, kneeling forward to lean a few inches from her face, his version of a playful smirk dancing along his pale features, "Incredibly so."

She couldn't remember when Sai had figured out sarcasm, but it oddly suited him.

He bent forward to brush his lips against hers, to which she smiled.

"I said no because I had no place in his journey." She sighed, lighting another cigarette and falling onto her side, gently toying with the hair framing Sai's face.

"That's fair." He nodded, scooting around the table to lay his head against her stomach. She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and sighed.

"Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I'd gone and just played along, I mean, it's what I thought I wanted, but I guess I knew I didn't. I mean- can you picture me as a housewife? Popping out little Uchiha babies and living in that big compound all on my own?"

Sai snorted against her top, and she laughed along with him.

He accompanied her for a couple hours, confirming that yes- he would be leaving for a mission tomorrow. He always seemed to stay long enough for her to fall asleep, always gone when she woke up. Once again, in the wee hours of the morning. It was three AM, and she was suddenly very cold.

She wondered if to other people her relationship with the pale artist could be considered romantic, and she concluded that if anyone who didn't the know the man saw them curled up in her home sharing small chaste kisses, absolutely. But she knew the man better than most anyone could boast, and she knew it was to him what it was to her. A very deep and complicated friendship.

He didn't have the emotional capacity to truly love her, but he craved love and affection. She, with her selfishness coupled with her medic heart, would happily give that to him no-strings attached. Neither had ever even entertained the thought that one day they'd be speaking of love. He was a beloved friend and she would always welcome him happily- but that was about the extent her mind would allow her to wander.

A few hours passed and though her body was now warmed, something inside her exuded a deep chill, more so than any outside the walls of her apartment could supply. She knew she should probably get over it, gather up her feelings and shove them into some deep place within her mind to rot, if only to keep everyone together. Sasuke ultimately decided he couldn't stay within village walls was enough to permanently change the dynamic of her team, what else could have brought her and Naruto together more than the shared goal of bringing their teammate back from the edge of insanity and 'rescuing' him? His final decision was a low blow, and it took a very long time for either of them to truly accept it. She thinks that Naruto still held- and maybe holds- hope that one day he'll make peace with himself and confide himself within Konoha's walls.

She doubted it. She'd never seen Sasuke look more anxious and… broken, than she had within the safe walls of her hometown. He belonged out in the world, she knew that. She understood his decision and, for once, respected his wishes. Why Naruto thought he'd want to pass the empty Uchiha compound every day, with whatever ghosts of his past that danced inside, she would never know.

"Haruno-San."

"Just a moment." She called to the anbu patiently waiting outside of her door, the chakra was familiar to her, but not enough for her to even guess at which one had been sent to her home. Whoever they were, they usually guarded the Hokage tower, so it was probably a summons from her mentor.

She popped a few of her tablets into her mouth, allowing them to cycle semi-naturally through her system as she wrapped a shawl around her shoulders and made her way to the door, mussing slightly with her bed head as she opened it to see a tall owl-faced shinobi staring down at her, oddly enough, mission scroll in hand.

"You've got to be _kidding_!" She exclaimed, hastily snatching the scroll from the now anxiously stiff anbu's gloved fingers.

"The hospital is understaffed as it is, what is the meaning of this?" She hissed, more to herself than anyone else. Her companion was obligated not to speak ill of the decisions of higher-ups, but Sakura most certainly wasn't.

"Those old bastards." She sighed, defeated. "You can go. I'll show myself to the tower."

"Certainly." Owl nodded, making an awkward descent down the steps of her building as she disappeared behind her roughly slammed door.

When she arrived in Tsunade's office, throwing the crumbled scroll onto her overburdened desk, a string of curses that would make a sailor blush practically rocked the entire floor.

"There's no way I can do this, shishou, Shizune is at her breaking point." Sakura cried, pacing along the dusty carpeting.

"God damn it." Tsunade sighed, rubbing her brow and pouring herself her morning glass of sake, probably much earlier than usual.

"You have to do something, we've got interns coming soon, Shizune can't oversee them and the hospital all at once."

"We have other doctors… I'll just have to move things around, god damn it, fuck."

"You can't be serious."

"I don't have a say, unfortunately." She sighed, "It's got six signatures. I can't even over rule this with majority vote."

"Fuck."

"That mission was supposed to go to team eight… but, you know." Tsunade grumbled, waving her free hand through the air for emphasis.

"Yeah." Sakura scowled, rooting around her lab coat.

"No smoking in my office."

"Shishou-"

"It's a dirty habit." The blonde scowled, nose scrunched in distaste.

Sakura dropped down into her chair, leaning forward onto her knees, "What is there to possibly see in Ame? The whole village is practically a cesspool now that the Akatsuki isn't bringing in revenue to keep it running. The place has been scoured hundreds of times now, what is there even left to look for?

"They said there's some copycat organization trying to take root there, it's just a scouting mission- again, I don't know why you're being sent for reconocense. Doesn't really suit your style."

Sakura sank lower in her seat, exhausted, anxious and annoyed. "I hate that they get to just avoid all of the village's problems because they're too old to care about the next generation."

"I know, Sakura. Never wanted this job, wasn't built for it." Tsunade frowned into her glass, "I'm just biding time at this point, the next generation of clan heads is almost ready to step up- hell, Shikaku is practically shoving Shikamaru in his place by force. Lazy bastard."

"This is horse shit." Sakura grumbled, feeling defeated and sick.

"We'll just have to figure something out until you're back, I'll take a few shifts if I can, we'll make it work."

"Is this a bad time?" A third voice emerged from the doorway, Shikamaru stood, jonin vest slung over his arm, eyes half-lidded and bagged as he took in the two red-faced women, looking like one was about to bust a vein and the other was about to rip her desk in half.

"No, come in, and shut the door behind you, will you? You're letting out the heat." Tsunade grumbled dismissively, not really in the mood to deal with any of this right now.

Shikamaru nodded and closed the door behind him, keeping a reasonable distance from the two as he came forward, mission details clutched in his free hand. He looked nearly as beaten down as Sakura and she guessed the field shinobi were getting a lot of action recently as well. She supposed that the sheer amount of injured shinobi she'd been treating should have been an indication of that. There isn't much time to ponder when you're sewing people back together, she supposed.

"First question," Shikamaru sighed, "What the fuck is this?"

After a general debriefing and mutual alliance of aggravation was hashed out Sakura found herself elbow-deep in another chunin's chest. It was an unusually complicated and annoying surgery when one had almost no chakra to spare, she discovered.

A whole squadron had come back nearly eviscerated and one on death's doorstep, hell- death was inviting them inside for drinks when she finally started working on him. Three nurses that had been there for no less than thirteen hours had finally gotten to go home and royally fucked the rotation, Sakura had pulled a triple shift and there was no sign that tomorrow would be any better.

When she left the hospital that night, she was practically running on empty and spitting pure rage. She was nearly daring someone to start a brawl with her on her tredge home, chakra-drained or not, she was open to a bare-fisted fight just to relieve the tension in her jaw alone.

Every team that she'd seen in the last few weeks had the same story- normal mission gone awry when a random group of nuke nin attacked. There was a blaringly obvious connection, but no one seemed to be looking into it. None of the stories were consistent with one specific group but Sakura was loathe to believe several groups of ninja had suddenly decided to make Konoha ninja a target. They were allied to nearly every remaining village and if the defectors were so damn wired to fight- it would make more sense for them to attack their own squads.

Nothing was adding up- and that was nearly worse than the never ending shit-show at the hospital.

"Hey, Haruno-san!"

She could hear the galloping feet behind her and preyed it wasn't a summons back to the hospital, she didn't know how much longer she could stay conscious if she pushed herself any farther, and she didn't really want 'passed out during surgery' on her resume.

"I've been looking for you." A bear-faced anbu remarked, and if the shaggy dark hair was any indication, it was her almost-date from a few days prior.

"I know the last time I tried it kind of went horrible, so… why don't you let me take you out? I know this little place a few streets over, the tea is incredible-"

"I've got a better idea." She breathed, the tension in her shoulders releasing slightly as she softly clutched the man's hand, giving it an encouraging squeeze, "I know a place not far from here, a shitty little apartment complex. I'm sure I could find something for you to eat."

As she tugged him down a shortcut through a narrow, darkened alley way, she tugged his mask high enough to reveal a smirk placed over beautifully sculpted lips, "Sounds perfect, I'm starving."

When all was said and done, when she was once again alone and wiping work and sex-induced sweat from her lithe frame, the taste of a barely acquainted anbu and clove cigarettes on her tongue, she wondered if she was as fucked up as she felt.

He'd happily sated her hunger for release, many times over, she couldn't help but feel numb. Her limbs heavy with exhaustion and empty stomach curling. She knew this night would only end with her chain-smoking to relieve the grumbling in her stomach and falling into an uneasy and restless sleep. She'd been reliving this routine for months.

There would be no Sai to lull her to sleep tonight, and she wasn't sure if she'd see him again before she left- she probably wouldn't. Maybe she should have invited her anbu friend to stay the night, she didn't want to give the wrong impression. Though, she was sure he understood what their time together would be. In the world they lived sex was little more than mostly socially-accepted therapy.

She hummed silently in the dimly lit bathroom, to a tune she remembered vaguely and didn't care to think too much on. She examined herself in the bathroom mirror. She was a vision in white, paled by the cloudy winter skies and time spent indoors in the hospital, dark circles spanned beneath her eyes and her cheeks flushed bright red from the hot shower.

She once again entered her medicine cabinet, a familiar unlabeled bottle was soon in her hands as she dropped a few tablets into her mouth. What was once a complex painkiller becoming… something else, when routed through her body in just the right way.

The throbbing headache subsided for what felt like the first time in a long time as she softly sighed, tenderly rubbing her fingers along various knots and welts in her shoulders and wrists, they dissolved quickly and left a tingling sensation in their wake.

She smiled and made her way back into her bedroom, a mostly unused space that called to her in the wee hours of the night. She breathed in the scent of old books and her fabric softener, a crisp, clean scent she'd always associated with home. Something dark and herbal, cinnamon and clove, danced just beneath the surface. The smell made her heart clench as she dropped onto her back, fanning her naked body out against the soft bed. The blankets were still tucked in neatly and pristinely.

Memories of blonde hair and jagged canines filled her mind, of whiskers and blue eyes like summer skies. An ocean she'd willingly drowned herself in dozens of times. Of warm hands tenderly touching her, friendly and unsure at first- like always- then firmly with need and assurance.

"If all it was to you was a challenge, was that all fake too?" She whispered, throat feeling unusually tight, she choked slightly as she realized tears were sliding down the sides of her face to the canals of her ears.

Had he been reveling in victory over Sasuke while he was fucking her?

The train of thought was quickly washed from her mind as another wave of warmth slid from her head to her toes, like sunshine fanning over her body. An odd cacophony of birds and laughter resonated silently through the space and she hummed to an imaginary tune that she miraculously knew all the notes to.

The red string was once again coiled around her fingers and she played with it mindlessly as she enjoyed the resonating warmth and sounds of her atmosphere. It was both taut and loose as she proceeded to spin it around her fingers, examining it in mild curiosity as she once again attempted to follow its end.

Somewhere down her hallway she could see it leading to where her couch was, and for a moment she thought she could see a head dip over the back of the couch, just long enough to give her a profile of a man, though when she opened her eyes she could no longer remember what he had looked like. Her hands were empty, and goosebumps danced along her skin.

The wall clock said it was nine o'clock in the morning.

She shoveled the snow outside from her open window and got dressed for her next shift. She was on her last set of clean scrubs and her last bit of coffee was scraped out to make a horrible watered down pot before she left.

"


	3. Chapter 3

_I do not own Naruto. All rights belong to Masashi Kishimoto._

 _Warning No Beta_

Chapter Three

"Another." She whistled to the bartender, pushing the now empty glass out of sight to catch a new one, it splashed a few droplets of amber liquid on her hand as it made contact but in her slightly inebriated state she found she didn't care very much.

It had been the mother of all shit storms in the ICU today, some surgeries having to be performed back to back due to overcrowding- they nearly had to start doing emergency surgeries in the hall, had a few spacious rooms not allowed for double occupation. Whatever thinly-stretched shred of patience she had managed to salvage was on it's last leg.

"I didn't think you left the hospital."

Her head- somewhat hazily- turned to see the smiling face of a familiar blonde, black trench-coat laid over her arm as she motioned to the seat beside her, "You mind?"

"Go on, wouldn't have mattered if I said no." Sakura waved, downing the last few droplets in her glass and motioning for two more. 

Ino quirked a carefully sculpted brow, "You look like shit, forehead."

"Yeah, so I've been told." She hummed, nursing her newest glass and scooting the other toward Ino, fingers slick with condensation as she ran a nail down the edge of the glass, "Is interrogation faring any better?"

"No." Ino grumbled, propping her cheek into her palm and releasing a heavy sigh, "Lucky for me we have semi-flexible funding, so morale is pretty high."

"I had a janitor holding an IV drip for twenty minutes during a surgery yesterday, must be nice." Sakura hissed, the perpetual ache in her extremities slightly dulling as she took a long sip of her drink. She could feel Ino's eyes boring into her side, but whatever feel-good sarcastic comment she was probably gearing up was interrupted as she seemed to zone in on the dark circles under the pinkett's eyes.

"God, when was the last time you slept?"

"About… twenty-six hours ago." Sakura snorted, rubbing her temples as she popped a few pretzels into her mouth.

"And you were _participating_ in the aforementioned surgery?" Ino questioned, incredulously.

"It's like riding a bicycle."

"Yeah. _Sure_."

"Don't look at me like that, we had six doctors on staff and an ICU that's literally bursting at the seams. Pretty sure we're using stretchers as hospital beds in some rooms."

"Did the council deny your proposal?"

"Six times, I'm working on the seventh." Sakura grinned, raising her glass cynically as she finished it off, "Sent me off on a mission, too. So that'll get me out of their hair for a few weeks, I guess."

Ino pursed her lips and took a sip of her drink, nose wrinkling at the bitter taste as she stole glances at the woman beside her. Her cheekbones were protruding ever-so slightly from the washed out skin that was stretched over her face, the only splash of color was the deep purple bags ringing her eyes. Her hair was knotted into a bun atop her head, secured in place with a ballpoint pen, a few specks of red on her sea-green scrubs told the blonde that she'd probably come here straight from the hospital. She reeked of antiseptic and whiskey, an odd and stomach-churning combination. Her white lab coat stretched across her small shoulders, and Ino resisted the urge to throw her own coat over the smaller girl. She looked like a child wearing a doctor costume, if not for the exhausted look in her eyes and the spatter of love-bites she could see just barely beneath the collar of her top.

"I don't know what to _do_." Sakura groaned, sinking lower in her seat as she dragged a hand over her face, "The hospital is a disaster and if we don't do something soon we'll have to start turning people away."

"First thing," Ino poked, "Get some sleep and take a goddamned shower."

"Funny, pig." Sakura scowled, "I'm serious."

"Hell if I know. If I knew how to get those old coots moving I'd have redone the century old decor in our building." Ino chuckled tiredly.

They talked for a little while, about recent interrogations, general grievances and little bits of gossip Ino had picked up over the last few weeks. She didn't seem to mind doing most of the talking and Sakura didn't mind the company. When she paid her tab- Ino's as well- and made her way home for the night it was much easier to cope with the silent, dark space.

She popped a few tablets into her mouth, letting the whiskey and painkillers do their job as she sank into her couch with a cigarette and a cup of instant miso ramen. The food was salty and cheap but filled her aching stomach.

"How long are you going to live like this?" A voice asked from the darkness, she scowled at it, dipping her head back against the arm of her couch, taking a long drag from her cigarette.

"Leave me alone."

The sound of clicking gears and wood against wood told her he'd moved closer, she could feel hazelnut eyes scanning over her, she yanked the throw blanket off the back of the couch in response.

"Pervert."

"I'm a figment of your imagination, so you'd be the pervert." He sighed in response, crouching next to the couch, his flame-red hair brushing against her exposed shoulders.

"The fire in your eyes has been snuffed out. It's a pity." He commented, mindlessly, curling a lock of pink hair between his perfectly sculpted fingers.

"You do wonders for my self-esteem, you know that?" She scowled, turning on her side, away from him, willing him to go away.

"Avoiding your problems again, little girl?" He smiled, appearing suddenly as he leaned over the back of the couch, eyes clashing with hers.

"Why couldn't my inner demons manifest as someone I liked better?" She sighed, pulling the red throw over her face and trying to clench her eyes shut.

"I don't know, why me?" He questioned, plopping down in the chair across from her, "I was your first kill, wasn't I?"

"Can you just go back into my head, or whatever part of me you come from? I need to sleep." She drawled, voice sounding distant as the alcohol and drugs fused in her system.

"If you'd like to hear my thoughts on the subject-"

"Aren't they just _my_ thoughts? In that case, I hear plenty of them."

"No enough, evidently." He hummed, she could hear a rattling in his hand and clenching her teeth and throwing the thin blanket at the now vacant seat across from her, where a familiar orange bottle rolled innocently over it's leather surface.

She scowled in the darkness, wrapping her arms around herself as she caught her breath, roving a glowing green hand over her chest, willing her heartbeat to slow. It wasn't a big deal, just ghosts of her past popping up to say hello. It would be weirder if she didn't get them.

She looked down to her wristwatch, it was three AM. She went and turned her central heat up, feeling goosebumps raising over her arms. She could see puffs of her warm breath even in the absolute darkness. She went room from room, wondering which window she'd left open. As she entered her bedroom, she yelped.

Wisps of snow trailed from the far wall to the doorway. Her curtains whipped violently as a gust of wind swept a fresh coat of flurries into the room, she hissed, haphazardly hobbling over the freezing flooring, vision slanting dangerously as she made a grab for the wooden surface of the sill.

Her trajectory had been ever-so-slightly off as she missed the sill, losing her grip over the slick flooring and slamming head-first into the jagged edge of the windowsill. The combination of sleep deprivation, inebriation and malnutrition probably didn't do her any favors as she fell onto a heap on the floor. A faint ringing echoed in her ears as her surroundings blurred together into an ugly grey.

She woke up not long later, as the sun was stretching over the horizon. Stiff and unable to move much. She was in the first stages of hypothermia. Her tongue was glued to the lid of her too-dry mouth as she tried to lift herself from the floor, a sheet of snow that had laid over her fell to the floor as she pulled herself to her feet, shutting the window. Most of the snow around her had melted when it came in contact with the heated room and her body, soaking her clothes and leaving her teeth chattering and lips bright blue as she peeled the soaking articles from her body, doing her best to use what little chakra she had to stabilize her body temperature.

She dressed quickly and threw down a cluster of towels. Grumbling about water damage and her deposit all the while, soon finding herself staring down into an empty coffee container. She threw her coat around her body and made her way a few streets over to the small shop nearest her house, practically throwing a few bills at the teenage cashier as she made off with a few measly groceries.

Once she'd brewed a fresh pot of coffee and had a bowl of instant oatmeal she searched through her laundry for the least-offensively smelling set of scrubs she had left and sank into the seat by her balcony, steaming mug in hand as she skimmed her most recent proposal. It was a pitiful plea for funding but she refused to stop until something was done- everyone was walking a fine line and she'd be damned if it all came crumbling down on her watch.

A knock at her front door pulled her from her stirrings and her brows knit slightly, what on earth was he doing here?

"Come in!" She called, tucking the proposal back into its respective folder and tossing it onto the coffee table as she lit a cigarette, watching as Sasuke strolled into the small space, looking as cold and somber as ever, but lacking his usual biting scowl. That was definitely progress if she'd ever seen it.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" She sighed, offering a small smile as he lowered himself awkwardly onto her couch, his large cloak folding comically over his frame- swallowing him- as he faced her.

"Did you hurt yourself?" He grumbled, motioning to her forehead, she blushed as she swept a hand over the gash she must have forgotten she had- no wonder the cashier had been shooting her such strange looks. It closed under her touch and she offered a tired smile to the dark-haired man.

"You could say that. What has you back in the village?"

His eyes focused somewhere in the distance and she released a breath she didn't realize she was holding. Of course, Naruto's wedding. She should have known he'd at least pop by to pay respects to the newlyweds.

"He wants to know if we all want to meet up." Sasuke said, bluntly, his single hand resting on his knee as he shot her a disinterested shrug, "I told him it didn't matter to me."

She tried to quell the rigidity in her shoulders. She knew Sasuke was probably more than aware of the tensity between the two of his teammates, he was far from blind. Though, she didn't imagine he knew _why_ that tensity was there, or particularly cared enough to find out, so she wouldn't dwell on it.

"Actually, I'm about to head back to the hospital. I'm leaving for Ame today and have some things I need to take care of before I go." She said, motioning to the packed backpack leaning against the side of her couch, to which Sasuke nodded.

"That's… too bad." He said, eyes lingering on her longer than probably necessary. She wondered if this was his version of guilt-tripping, but didn't know if he had it in him to use such a low tactic- unless Naruto put him up to it.

She once again offered him a soft smile, hoping it looked genuine as she shrugged, "Where are you guys going? I'll stop by if I can."

She wouldn't.

"Aa, Kakashi said we should just meet at training ground ten. Knowing the dobe he has some sort of half-cocked scheme in place." He smirked, surprising her with his unusual nonchalance. Sasuke had stopped by a few times, but always in a rush and never speaking more than absolutely necessary, she wondered if he'd regained something he'd lost during his travels. The thought was warming, but provoked something deep within her. When would she find her sanctuary and, if ever, where?

"How have you been?" She smiled, genuinely, as she stubbed out her cigarette, noticing how his eyes focused solely on the motions of her hands.

"I've been well." He said after a moment, "I need to leave. I have some things I need to do as well, I just…" He paused, seemingly losing his train of thought as he stood.

He turned to her, a stiffness clear in his motions as he cleared his throat, "I wanted to see how you were doing, also."

"I'm fine, Sasuke. Thanks for checking in on me." She waved, appreciating his well-ment words, however awkward and forced they came out. It was nice to know he was putting weight in bonds these days, instead of relying solely on himself.

"I'll see you around." He nodded, letting himself out as she stood to gather some of her belongings, feeling oddly tired from the brief meeting.

Sasuke made it clear he knew as well as she did that she wouldn't be coming, but she appreciated his effort at a goodbye. He'd been better at them these days.

She threw the pack over her shoulders and a fresh change of clothes, her winter gear was a little outdated, so she settled for her usual jonin garb. It would get the job done and the fabric was thick enough to keep her somewhat warm during the harsh winter.

The second she was able to drop her bag into her office she was rushed off for assistance and ran room from room for a variety of reasons. By the time she made it back to change into her travel gear she was barely pushing an hour late of their anticipated departure time.

"Hey." Shikamaru greeted, looking up from some book his was reading as she approached, dark eyes scanning her curiously, "You look like shit."

"Getting real sick of hearing that." She groaned, swatting at him half-heartedly.

She smiled weakly as they waved off the village guard. The snow crunched under her feet and made treetop travel much more severe than necessary but she'd taken a soldier pill and restocked her tablets. Her mind was sharp from the cool air and she found that Shikamaru kept a much more leisurely pace than her team ever did. Her long ponytail whipped in the winds that swallowed them as they went, neither feeling the need to say much other than offhanded comments about the direction they were going and random observations of their surroundings.

It was somewhat nice, a day into their journey they'd spoken only a handful of times to one another and as they set up camp she was actually tired. As she stoked the small campfire she tossed a bag of dried salmon towards the thankful brunette, biting into a strip of fruit leather as she idly flipped through a medical text she'd been trying to finish for a few months.

"Hey, got anymore soldier pills?" Shikamaru finally piped up, dropping himself down next to her with a tired grunt, a thick green blanket pulled around his shoulders.

"Huh?" She questioned, shuffling around her bag, "I took one before I left- huh, I don't actually think I brought any."

He sighed and popped a few pieces of dried salmon into his mouth, "If you don't want to share that's fine." He shrugged and she gave him a genuinely puzzled frown.

"I saw you take one like an hour ago. It's no big deal, I just wanted one to keep in my pouch for the road." He shrugged, barely noticing the recognition in her eyes as she chuckled and pulled an unlabeled orange bottle from her bag.

"I didn't realize you were so nosy, Shikamaru." She teased, rattling the white tablets in the bottle for a moment, "They're for pains from my… well, 'lady troubles'." She grinned, laughing as he choked on his jerky.

"Ah. Sorry." He grumbled too quickly, much to Sakura's chargain as she secured the bottle back into her bag and rested her chin on her knees, watching the fire crackle and dance.

"I still can't believe Naruto got married." Shikamaru snorted, eyes cast skywards in admiration as he warmed his boots by the fire, just barely missing Sakura's flinch as she quickly began shuffling through her bag for no apparent reason, offering him a half-hearted chuckle.

"Who knows, maybe you're next." She joked, nudging his arm playfully, hoping to change the subject as quickly as possible.

"Yeah… I don't think so." He smirked, focused intensely- for what he could manage- on the sky.

"Me either." She breathed, poking at the orange flames with a stick, throwing it into the fire as flames lapped hungrily against it's end.

"Other people are just too much of a bother." He grunted, oddly talkative for the lazy shinobi she'd known throughout her childhood.

"I agree." She smirked, joining him in observing the silvery lights spattered across the dark sky, cast in brilliant dark blues and purples.

Shikamaru took the first shift and was quickly relieved when Sakura woke up not long after, trying to excuse her short burst of sleep with jitters from not being out of village in so long. It seemed that she didn't need to drag him from his post as he simply shrugged her off and went to his tent without complaint. She stoked the fire and popped a few tablets into her mouth with a quick chug from her flask.

"That's not very good mission etiquette." A voice tsk'd at her, she would have jumped out of habit had a familiar face not appeared from the other side of the fire, hair unruly and red as he seemingly examined the scenery, "snow is such a strange sight to me, even after all this time."

"Assuming the real Sasori didn't do much traveling, yeah, probably." She muttered, poking mindlessly at the fire. Her movements were barely sluggish but noticeable in her red-tinged eyes and dilated pupils had anyone awake been nearby to see her.

"Cigarette?" He offered, extending his cloaked arm through the fire to wave a pack before her face, she took it and batted at the hand annoyedly, lighting it between her lips.

"You look-"

"Like shit, yeah, I know. Can you just fuck off for once? I've been seeing too much of you these days." She hissed as his face twisted into a smug grin from behind the illuminating flames.

"That's because you want to." He sighed, resting his cheek into his palm, the bright red clouds of his Akatsuki cloak seeming to illuminate in the firelight.

"I think it's precisely the opposite, the universe is punishing me for something." She lamented, scowling at nothing- and everything- in particular as she tried her best to ignore her ghostly companion. The snow was coming down in light flurries now, and she found that it didn't cool the warmth that felt as though it were emanating from her bones.

"Keep telling yourself that, little girl." He sighed, eyes once again slack and disinterested as he too joined her in poking the fire, "It's worked out fantastically so far."

She grit her teeth and stayed silent. She could feel his presence linger for far longer than usual, but as the sun began stretching over the horizon and Shikamaru emerged from within his tent- she was alone and the fire had been out for hours.

"Holy shit, your lips are blue." He yawned, rubbing his palms over her alarmingly cold face, brows knit in confusion as she waved his hands away.

"Sorry, must have gotten lost in my book." She laughed, yawning despite herself as she kicked away what evidence of the fire that she could, slinging her pack around her shoulders as she undid a few knots in her ponytail.

She turned to him expectantly, his face still a portrait of confusion and fatigue, "When do you think you'll be ready to head out?"

He stared at her for a long moment before beginning to pack his things. She mindlessly searched the perimeter out of habit and when she made it back to the camp he looked as though he was ready to set off again. In a few days they'd be out of the land of fire, but luckily their next pit stop would be a _real_ inn near the border, if there were few things to look forward to on this trip. Knowing Tsunade's merciful nature, it would have a bar and hot spring.


	4. Chapter 4

_I do not own Naruto. All rights belong to Masashi Kishimoto._

 _Warning No Beta_

Chapter Four

"Look at this place." Sakura whistled, admiring the architecture and glamour around her, with its raised ceilings and traditional decor it almost looked regal. It felt like stepping back in time as she entered their room, dropping her pack and leaping onto the platform bed with a giddy chuckle. She cooed childishly at the luxuriously soft sheets, they smelled of lavender and honey as she rubbed her sweat-soaked features into the plush comforter, much to Shikamaru's dismay.

"Can't believe the council approved this." He sighed, scratching the back of his neck as he searched around his pack for a moment, tossing a small box next to Sakura as she continued to mewl over the sheets.

"I can." Sakura scoffed, kicking off her boots and examining the box with a tired groan, "Why did it have to be black? I don't make a good brunette." She scowled at the box of dye, then at Shikamaru who raised his hands in defense.

"Sorry, just grabbed the first box I could find, besides, it'll be fine." He waved, "Would you have preferred blue or green or something _equally_ as suspicious as what you've got going on now?"

She groaned louder and examined the box, "What did you get? I want to trade." She demanded, noticing the amused look in his eyes as he pulled his hair free from it's usual tie, letting it fall in a spiky heap around his shoulders.

"You've got to be kidding me." She exclaimed, chucking the box at his head.

"Hey, I'm not the one with a big pink beacon on _my_ head." He shrugged, catching the box easily and tossing it back to her, "I've got to go restock some of our supplies before we go, should probably get us something to wear while I'm out." His nose crinkled slightly, "Hopefully something to your tastes, because I don't really want to get a concussion over the color of a shirt."

"Just go." She laughed, "I'll have the _situation_ handled before you get back."

"Yeah, yeah." He sighed as she made her way into the bathroom.

She examined the dark bags under her eyes with disinterest, pumping some chakra around her lids to dull the darkness. The sudden blood-flow to her face brought back some much needed color and she sighed, popping a tablet into her mouth as she combed out sections of her hair, running her fingers along the indent her ponytail had made with a sour expression.

She opened the box of dye and began working it up the ends of her hair to her roots, rubbing a thin layer over her brows and tapping the mixture onto her bright pink lashes, she could supplement the color with mascara but she figured this would do just fine.

Sighing, she clipped the mess of sticky hair to the top of her head, examining the pamphlet with tired eyes as she paced around the small room, enamored with the large jacuzzi tub stuffed into the corner. She'd definitely be revisiting that later tonight.

She took her time examining the room, enjoying the classical architecture and detailed paintings that lined the white walls, they reminded her slightly of Sai's work and she thumbed at an antique tapestry depicting a crane and a snake in what looked like pseudo-combat. She enjoyed the feeling of the heated tatami mats that covered the flooring as she peaked into the mini-fridge, if the council was paying she'd be sure to be as big a pain in the ass as possible, she quickly snagged a bottle of rum and dried fruit, both fun-sized for the trouble.

Carefully seating herself on the edge of the bed she picked at the fruit, eyes focused on the floor-to-ceiling windows that lined the back wall of the room, two french doors placed invitingly in the center of the delicate glass, where the bright orange glow of the setting sun made her stomach flip uncomfortably. She crossed her legs and watched the sun dip slowly below the rolling hills on the horizon, soon being swallowed by brilliant blues and the soft glow of dozens of stars, just starting to come out of hiding. Light flurries of snow danced around in her peripheral as they weaved around the thick forestry surrounding the personal hot springs just beyond the doors.

As her wristwatch began beeping she made her way back into the bathroom, climbing into the standing shower adjacent of the jacuzzi tub and moaning as the hot water steadily fell over her bare shoulders, a stream of inkly black crawled down her lithe frame and pooled eerily around her feet. She massaged the dye out of her hair, scrubbing any excess off her body with the most heavenly scented oils she'd ever smelled...or maybe she was just so used to the smell of bleach and alcohol that _anything_ else smelled amazing.

She hummed to herself as she climbed out of the shower, toweling herself off and blow drying the dark hair that stuck to her back and shoulders in defiance, she closed her eyes and combed her fingers down the long strands of hair that clumped loosely together. The heat of the blow dryer flushed her cheeks and shoulders and she just barely missed Shikamaru's surprised yelp.

"Oh my god your hair _is_ naturally that color." He choked, quickly ducking out of the open door frame in a fit of very uncharacteristic laughter.

She laughed and pulled a plush towel from below the cabinet under the sink, securing it around her waist and following the sound of laughter to shoot an amused scowl at Shikamaru, a few shopping bags still slung around his arm.

"I owe Ino twenty-bucks." He sighed, lighting a cigarette and dropping down onto the loveseat across the room, "Though I feel like she cheated." He frowned.

"Ino's seen me naked more than anyone else," Sakura snorted, plopping down at the end of the bed and lighting a cigarette of her own, taking a swig of her pint-sized rum, "We were in the same academy, you think I was dying my hair at six?"

He shrugged, offering a lazy half-smile, "I don't know what I thought at the time, I was also six."

"Anyway, when are we heading out?" She hummed, toying with the slick black hair that fell around her waist, feeling awkward as she eyed it.

"Probably in the next day or so, we're waiting for an informant in the meantime. Not that there's much to _inform_." He scowled, stubbing out his cigarette and pulling his mesh shirt over his head, Sakura amusedly quirked two dark brows at his well sculpted chest, lean but muscular.

"I smell like the back-end of a boar." He sighed, tossing his sweat-soaked shirt towards Sakura's face with a smug grin, she snatched the top out of the air and slapped it into his bare back, it hit with a loud _slap_ and left him groaning and hunching away into the bathroom.

She chuckled and clipped her hair neatly atop her head, shuffling through her bag as she left the robe in a complacent heap on the floor, popping a tablet into her mouth as she made her way through the glass doors. The cool air hit her like a whip and she wrapped her hands around her shoulders as she lowered herself into the hot waters, the transition from the harsh cold to the steamy waters was jarring but she soon found herself nearly up to her neck in the water, the snow disappearing quickly as it hit the steamy surface.

She closed her eyes and let the water soak into her skin, feeling warm and light as the intoxicating effects of the relaxing water and the medication flooded her system. She took another sip from her bottle of rum, feeling a deep sense of bliss as she stretched her limbs beneath the water, feeling any residual stiffness slowly melt away.

"You know it's not proper for a man and woman to be naked alone." Sakura laughed as Shikamaru appeared from behind her, closing the sliding door with a _snap_ as he hissed.

"It's not proper for it to be _this_ cold in the land of _fire."_ He groaned, climbing slowly into the water and resting parallel to her, hair tied into a surprisingly neat bun atop his head.

She chuckled and lit a cigarette, "They say it's the worst winter we've had."

"Yeah, _they_ say a lot of shit, don't they?"He sighed, rubbing his shoulders tiredly, taking the cigarette box Sakura offered him.

"If we're going to take this bath together could you at least not stare at my boobs?"

"You're staring at mine." He shrugged, taking a long drag as he dipped his head back, staring at the starry sky, now brilliant and in full view, like hand fulls of the glowing lights were tossed artfully at the ever-darkening canvas of the sky.

A string of paper lanterns hung on the icy limbs of the trees around the hot spring, casting a light orange glow over the reflective surface of the water.

"What do you think they're doing with the village funds?" Shikamaru spoke, straightening slightly.

She hummed softly, brows knitting as they settled into the dark waters, "I don't know, Shishou and I have been trying to figure out for months- it seems like they're sending us to extravagant inns to keep me from sending another proposal, honestly."

Shikamaru snorted, rolling his shoulder, "The old man is stepping down soon, so that's one vote on your side."

"Thanks, now to convince the old coots who _won't_ be stepping down any time soon."

"You don't think majority vote of the village clans could sway them?"

"Nope. We _have_ full support of the clan heads." She scowled into the water, brushing her fingers along the surface mindlessly, heat rushing to her face.

"And that's not enough?" Shikamaru squinted, "How much are you guys asking for?"

"Less than it took to throw last year's spring festival." She laughed, not feeling jovial on the subject but the sheer absurdity of the situation bordering on 'unbelievable'.

"Do you think it's like a vendetta against Tsunade?"

She thought for a long moment, "Probably. She made a lot of changes that they didn't exactly like, and after Danzo was outed, I think they got nervous that a lot of their own shady dealings were going to come to light. They're practically trying to force her out of office."

"Do you think they could do that?" Shikamaru said lowly, leaning forward slightly as his dark eyes focused intently on the woman before him, suddenly stirred by her somber expression.

"They've certainly caused enough unreast, I mean- people are nearly being turned out at the hospital, they've cut a lot of funding on public services and aid, so that definitely doesn't make Tsunade a popular candidate for Kage right now, most civilians only see _her_ and not the council making the majority of decisions. Plus, with the new clan heads stepping up- no offense- they think they're going to have mostly free reign over the majority of the decision-making since they have seniority vote." She shrugged, trying to quell the anxiety blossoming in her chest like a ball of ice, despite the warmth of the water.

Shikamaru lit another cigarette, tossing the pack back to her as she did the same. They both needed one, not that this conversation hadn't been had before, be it internally or otherwise. It was clear what the council was doing and there was very little standing between the elders and what they wanted, with Sakura out of village there was just barely a handful of people with the political pull to cause them any headache.

It was a poor reality, and while she believed there was still a fight worth fighting, every small step forward took months- in some cases years- of work to achieve. Moving at a pace like that was disheartening at best, soul-crushing at its worst.

"I think they're bringing room service." Sakura sighed, fanning a hand over her flushed face as she climbed out of the waters, the cold air clinging to her as she quickly lept back through the doorframe, toweling herself off quickly as she secured the plush white robe around herself once again.

Just as she heard a knuckle hesitantly wrap against the door she was smiling and ushering the young woman inside, thanking her for her service as she left a cart brimming with food in the center of the room, as well as a bottle of warmed sake- made in-house as the girl had boasted- steaming invitingly.

Shikamaru appeared as soon as young woman had left, towel wrapped around his waist as he scanned the various plates of seafood and seasonal dishes.

They ate in comfortable silence, savoring every bite as they drank and laughed and enjoyed the companionship. Soon they were back-to-back, stomachs full and thoroughly cleaned as sleep overtook them.

She slept restfully that night, waking as the sun was climbing over the horizon, beautiful blues and bright yellows once again knotting her stomach. She brought a glowing-green hand to her head to quell the headache forming behind her temples, and popped a few tablets into her mouth as she tried to root silently through the bags of fresh-bought clothes Shikamaru had brought back yesterday.

She settled on an ankle length, pale green skirt and a white button-up top, combing her hair to a deep side-part and dusting some blush onto her cheeks. She examined herself in the mirror somewhat proudly, feeling as though someone would have to look _very_ hard to decipher that she was Sakura Haruno. To most she just appeared to be an average civilian woman on a winter holiday with her lover.

Soon Shikamaru woke and dressed, casual and comfortable in a dark green T-shirt and a pair of blue jeans, his hair falling around his shoulders, also parted deeply to the side, bangs pushed back somewhat… sensually? She nearly laughed, wondering how the infamously pineapple-headed man could clean up so well.

"Alright," He sighed, fork pushing around the remnants of his plate of scrambled eggs and staring down at the mission dossier with scrunched brows, "The informant should be meeting us around noon near a tea shop on the edge of town. Sometime in the next few days if they don't get caught up, guess they just want us to keep an eye out."

Sakura nodded, pushing around a few pieces of chopped fruit as she swallowed a spoon-full of cottage cheese, "Sounds like a plan."

"I have a sneaking suspicion you aren't taking this mission seriously." He smirked, tapping her softly on the head with the dossier, not deterred by her annoyed swatting as she finished her breakfast.

"Are you?" She laughed, propping her feet up on the seat beside her and scanning the last few pages of the book she'd brought along, relieved to have finally finished it.

He sighed, lighting a cigarette and topping off his orange juice, "Wish they had a shogi board here." He muttered into his glass, peeking up to see Sakura's exaggerated eye roll.

"Do you like anything besides that old game?" She snorted, dropping her book back into her bag with a sigh.

He smirked deviously and she decided that she didn't particularly care to know what else Shikamaru enjoyed, lest her pool of wildly inappropriate workplace romances grow any larger than it already has.

The day was spent mostly exploring the town, she picked up a new book from the local bookstore and tried one of the popular food-carts on the edge of town while Shikamaru scoped out the rendezvous point, adamant that he should be the one to do so.

When he returned to their meeting place in the town square empty handed, Sakura felt an odd sense of relief. He draped his arm loosely over her shoulders as they walked through the little town, feeling a comfortable aura emanating from it's nostalgic and old-fashioned nature. She nuzzled into the thick wool scarf around her neck and watched a group of children as they scurried up a larger hill and dove down quickly on little wooden sleds, squealing with glee and excitement as they crashed into the soft bank of snow they'd made at the bottom of the hill

It was a comfortable and oddly happy few days as they continued their make-believe couple activities. She got to free roam a small town she'd never seen before and even in the snowy weather, village elders lined up in a public park to take on Shikamaru in a shogi match, though she was sure he allowed some of them to win.

When the informant- an elderly woman who travelled to sell her wares and in this case, information- finally made an appearance and sent them back off towards Ame, now going at a snail's pace as they took a moving cart to the next town over, making what would normally be a few days travel on foot nearly a week-long venture.

Somewhere in middle ground, however, they were able to switch into their next disguise, one more fitting and convenient for the pair. Basic ninja attire, without affiliating pieces they could be nuke nin from anywhere in the nations.

They were able to settle on foot for the next few days, stopping twice to make a sloppily covered campsite. They didn't want to incline to too much skill, lest their venture become too suspicious to the normally low-brow citizens of the once Akatsuki governed village.

Once the pair began nearing the neon lights and smoky haze of Ame, the weather had warmed enough to permit them the luxury of freezing rain, which wasn't a luxury at all, really. It simply left the pair water-logged and blue-lipped as they paid the incredulously high fee to stay at one of the shabbiest inns Sakura had ever laid eyes on- and she'd seen quite a few.

Though, she supposed, when you live the lifestyle of a missing nin you were actually paying for _security_ as well as a place to lay your head for the night. Knowing a hunter-nin with some personal vendetta won't be chopping of your head in the night must be a welcome luxury to these people.

The night was uneventful and consisted mostly of silent words exchanged under the cover of pouring rain.

As she wrapped herself in the scratchy wool blanket that had been haphazardly tossed upon their bed upon their arrival, she lamented the deep, pungent chill that raced the distance of her spine. A pair of hazelnut eyes watched her from the darker corner of the room, the small sliver of moonlight illuminating the vision of a halo over his red hair.

At that time, she was still just Sakura Haruno. Medic, daughter, apprentice. At that time some resemblance of who she once was still resided somewhere deep in her bones.

At that time, she didn't realize how good she had it.


	5. Chapter 5

_I do not own Naruto. All rights belong to Masashi Kishimoto._

 _Warning No Beta_

Chapter Five

She'd been to Ame on a few occasions- or, she'd passed through the village limits on a couple occasions on her way to _other_ areas. Yet, something about it still irked her. Not the fact that the populace consisted of missing nin and people with murky morals, but the aura of hopelessness that seemed to consume every person she passed. The homeless spanned the streets where refuse and small creatures filled every crevice imaginable. Half-concave homes stacked on top of one another and packed to the limit with occupants. A woman with a desperate look in her tired eyes perched at every corner grabbing at any man or woman who would be willing to pay the measly fee for their services. A few scattered children wrapped in rags weaved through the crowd of dangerous nin, making her stomach churn. Her fingers itched and constricted to reach out to them, to pull them away from the future they would have in the pit of a village they called home.

Shikamaru softly pressed his shoulder against hers, and she softened the deep grimace she'd been wearing. Surely he felt the thickness in the air, the poverty and the restlessness, but for what it was worth they had a 'job' to do.

Familiar faces greeted them in the local pub, a woman with pretty, flowing brown hair and a familiar cherub-like face twisted into an even more familiar scowl. Sakura recognized them as two pieces of the anbu unit she'd healed a week or so ago. She smiled as she took a seat across from them, Shikamaru slinging his arm around her as he plopped down at the rickety table.

"Himiko! It's been forever." The brunette smiled, placing her hand in her cheek as she eyed Sakura. Her inuzuka markings covered neatly as she turned her attention to the man seated beside her, "Akira has been such a bore."

The blonde boy snorted, but didn't acknowledge the rest of the group further.

They proceeded to make 'small talk', coded heavily with further mission details and general 'warnings'. They had a glass of watered down beer- excluding 'Akira' who had left a glass of water untouched on the table by the time they'd left the bar.

She trailed a small distance behind Shikamaru, staring at the tall tower that sat in various states of decay at the heart of the village. It felt all too symbolic, left to rot in the crumbling town. Whatever presence the Akatsuki had here was also just that- a distant, rotting memory.

The night proceeded as uncomfortably as the last. A night of restless sleep in a freezing room with nothing but a scratchy blanket and the sound of the ever-persistent rain for company. Shikamaru was gone more often than not, and she spent most of her time scouting scummy back-water bars for what small bits of information she could collect.

The group the village elders seemed so 'concerned' about seemed to be nothing more than the cliched 'band of misfit kids', a small group of young nuke-nin barely scraping by with mercenary work and protected only by their numbers. The only recurring piece of information she gathered happened to be a man known only as 'K', presumably the leader or a higher-up in the group. To Sakura, he sounded like your basic run of the mill playboy with something to prove. The 'threat' sounded more like teenagers running wild without supervision. There was no plausible way this group of kids was responsible for the hoards of injured anbu plaguing her hospital. Unsurprisingly, this was not a comforting thought. Somewhere, something much more reclusive was brewing in the darkness. Unknown and unseen. The concept was eerily familiar, leaving a persistent weight in her stomach.

She downed the last of her drink and toyed with the short hem of her dress, tucking a few strands of hair behind her ear as she eyed the older man through thick lashes. He was a handsome man- albeit probably a decade her senior. Sporting dark hair with the first signs of premature grey, a light patch of five-o-clock shadow and a nasty scar that stretched from just below his left eye to the sharp edge of his chin.

"They're just stupid punks, if you ask me." He drawled, still nursing a nearly full glass of beer as he brazenly swiped a hand over her exposed thigh, dark eyes glinting with intent.

"I dunno'," She mewled, craning her neck to give him a better view, "we heard they're becoming a pretty big deal."

"Bah." He spat, swatting lightly at the smoky air, "Gangs come n' go out here. I wouldn't get too interested. There's better work in the next town over, if you're looking for it." He smiled, giving her knee a light squeeze, "It's good to dust off a kunai every now and again, but I wouldn't waste your time on small game jobs from _those_ guys."

"Oh yeah?" She chuckled, running a red-painted nail along the rim of her glass, "I thought it was just old bumpkin's out there."

The older man laughed, a deep, hearty laugh that rumbled through his broad shoulders and rustled his gently-mussed hair. She smirked and experimentally ran a few fingers through his unruly locks, noticing how his body relaxed at her touch. This was good, he trusted her facade. The sensual, trained but non threatening kunoichi she was parading as was convincing.

He grabbed her wrist, placing a soft kiss along her slightly rough knuckles, calling to the bartender to bring her another drink. She took the slim black straw skillfully between her plump, glossed lips and gave him a show as she sipped the sweet blend of fruit juice and rum, noticing that his eyes were now trained only on her mouth. 

"It's...an interesting situation. Lots of pulls out there. You'd be surprised where rich old men choose to settle down." He grumbled, seemingly transfixed on her and her alone.

"And what's so interesting about that?" She hummed.

"Isn't a part of settling down tying up all loose ends?" He smirked, "How do you think the rich get rich?"

She sighed dreamily, resting her cheek in her palm with a small shrug, "I guess you're right. I've just been so _bored._ "

She didn't press him for any more information, the night was as unhelpful and vague as the last. The longer she spent talking to people in these dim and dank little bars the more she felt unnaturally… at home. Not with most people but the rare few that shared her bitterness and cynicism for the war, something she didn't need to fake, really brought her back to earth. It seemed many ninja defected after the war. Just like the last. Ame was once again flooded with lost orphans and shinobi whose village either deemed them unfit for the field or put out of work.

It was a weird way for her to indulge in her sadness without raising too many red flags. She had to keep a somewhat close guard on what she said to those around her when she was home, but out here there wasn't anyone the close in on her. Many here, outspoken or not, felt similarly.

When she made it home that night, a familiar cranky-faced blonde met her just outside of her door, blonde hair in a mess of curls atop his head as he eyed her tiredly. Apparently he'd been sleeping just as well as she had.

"Himiko." He greeted, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he nodded his head toward the door, "You mind hurrying? I'm freezing out here."

"Going as fast as I can, where's your sister?" Sakura sighed, finally getting the lock in the door to turn as they quickly crossed the threshold into the small room, offering the tiniest trace of warmth, but beggars couldn't be choosers and they were grateful nonetheless.

"Where'd Hana go?" Sakura questioned, plopping herself down on the edge of the hotel bed, wiggling her sore foot free from a red pump.

"Who knows, probably out with your boyfriend." The blonde huffed, lowering himself into an adjoining chair and dropping his head back with a tired groan, "You know the room is sealed, we don't have to keep talking like this." He groaned, motioning at the air between them for emphasis.

"It's a good practice to keep." She shrugged, paying the boys sour attitude little mind as she removed the second heel. A small, happy sigh fell from her lips as she rolled her aching heels and pumped a small amount of chakra into the swelling area.

"Stop talking to me like I'm a genin." Kaito simmered, pinching the arch of his nose.

"Huh? Sorry." Sakura waved, "I think I've just gotten used to coaching interns at the hospital."

"Yeah, _that's_ what it is." He snorted, rolling his chestnut colored eyes.

"Oh? And what do _you_ think 'it' is, Kaito?" She glared, lighting a cigarette and eyeing the blonde boy, suddenly aware of his jagged shoulders and curled lip. She knew he was a brat but she didn't expect downright hostility from a newbie anbu.

"Oh come on," He hissed, "you know what people say about your team, you think you're better than us just because you guys had better seats in the war."

"Oh, so that's what this is." She sighed, cracking her shoulder, "You got that right, you do hear what they say about _my team,_ about Naruto and Sasuke, but you're right, _I_ had a great seat in the war, got to dig through the trenches to identify my friends and family while everyone else was celebrating our 'victory', along with the rest of the medics." She seethed, flicking the butt of her cigarette and the still-scowling blonde. He caught it before it seared the rosy flesh of his cheeks, eyes venomous slits as he stubbed it out in the ashtray beside him.

He wasn't the first to insinuate something like this, and he wouldn't be the last. With the popularity and glamour her teammates garnered there was just as much resentment. Though surprisingly, a lot aimed directly at her. She seemed to catch all the flak for what little grievances people had with the end game of the war. She was told she used up too much chakra trying to keep up with her flashy teammates and that the injured ranks suffered for it, it seemed that no matter how the tale was told it always ended with her not doing enough or trying to do too much. Then, there were those who accused team seven of glory-hogging, saying that they had stepped in just in time to finish off the war with a bang. Though, things like this were usually spread by those who never needed to participate in said war- those who did know that there's no glory to be found in the battlefield.

The room fell silent as she lit another cigarette and tried to focus her eyes at anything except the young blonde. His words had affected her more than usual and she wondered if the slight tremble in her hands was driven by anger or need. She popped a few tablets into her mouth- an action gone unnoticed by the pouting boy across from her.

"Why are you here, anyway?" She muttered, noticing the tension in her shoulders beginning to loosen.

She could see his lips move, and nodded out of habit despite the words seemingly being just out of reach. She cycled some chakra through her system, she seemed to have taken too high a dose with the alcohol she'd already consumed at the bar, but it wasn't working as quickly as usual.

The orange glow being cast from just outside of the room made Kaito's wide, brown eyes look almost honey colored. She coked her head in confusion, wasn't it raining not long ago? Wasn't it nighttime?

He was saying something, with a little more force than before. The could feel his words vibrate through the room, her bare feet catching each syllable as the hotel floor vibrated beneath her. He moved quicker than her eyes could register, and she was suddenly very aware that something was wrong, his hands were clasped firmly over her shoulders- his eyes darting from hers to the doorway. His lips were moving faster than she could register, and her eyes were rolling uncomfortably backwards.

A loud bang seemed to reawaken her ability to hear, just before a bright flash of light ushered her into unconsciousness.


	6. Chapter 6

_do not own Naruto. All rights belong to Masashi Kishimoto._

 _Warning No Beta_

Chapter Six

"Hey, Sak!" Naruto called, bright orange kickball wedged between his elbow and side as he shaded his eyes from the bright midday sun, "we need another player, can Sen come out?" He smirked.

"I don't know." She hummed, playfully tapping her pen against her lips as she crouched down beside the dark-haired boy, "What do you think, Sen?"

The boy pursed his lips, his freckled cheeks flushing slightly as his small hands clutched at her white lab coat, "I don't know those kids, they prolly' don't want to play with me." He muttered.

She patted the space between his shoulders with a warm smile, motioning her head towards her blonde teammate, "Well you're my friend, and Naruto's my friend too, and you know _us_." She encouraged, pointing towards the small group of children flocking around Naruto, enthusiastically eyeing the newcomer, "and… it looks like they're excited to know you too." She smirked, nudging him playfully as the boy sucked in a steadying breath, running towards the group with a much lighter step than she'd seen him carry before.

"He's so good with the kids." Shizune smiled, coming to stand beside Sakura, a soft look on her face as she watched Naruto running and laughing with the children from the pediatric ward.

"What did you expect? He's a big kid himself." Sakura chuckled, crossing her arms over her chest as she admired the big, puffy clouds spattered across the vast, blue sky.

"It'll be so strange seeing him in the office, studying village politics with Tsunade from now on." Shizune smirked, following Sakura's gaze before seemingly becoming transfixed on the beauty of the day herself. Sakura could easily understand how Shikamaru could spend hours just watching the day go by, especially on days like this.

Her trance was broken as the pager in her pocket began buzzing violently, and soon Shizune's was joining in. She said her goodbye to Naruto and the kids, promising to play with them again as soon as she got the chance before heading back into the hospital.

It was a surprisingly light day. The shift passed quickly with little hassle- well, as little as one could have working in her field, and as she freed herself from the day-old scrubs stuck to her moistened skin, she stretched away the stiffness in her limbs.

"You need to try this, Sak." Naruto called from her living room, "it's the best thing I've ever had!" He continued, adding a string of inappropriate moans for emphasis- or maybe not for emphasis, she couldn't rule out the possibility that Naruto might just like ramen _that much._

"Hang on a sec, Naruto. I just need to shower real quick." She called back, laughing as she climbed into the shower before mewling as the hot water washed away the day's sweat and grime. She was nearly skipping with contentment as she dressed and made her way down the hall into the living room, humming to the soft tune playing on her radio as the smells of spices and savory broths whirled around the room.

Naruto was seated on the floor in front of her white couch, legs crossed as he fawned over the bowl of takeout ramen in front of him, dramatically wafting the air over the steaming bowl into his face as he looked up at her, wagging his eyebrows and pointing to the bowl.

"It's miso pork with matsutake mushrooms and pickled ginger." He moaned, "You have to try it."

She grimaced and waved him down, "No thanks, I've got a big bowl of miso and enoki mushroom ramen to make it through." She smiled, plopping down across from the very put-off looking blonde, but the look of disappointment was quickly replaced with bliss as he dug into his second bowl.

"Your loss." He laughed through a mouthful of pork.

"I'll take your word for it." She sighed, blowing at the steaming broth as she took a few large bites of her own bowl, finding it warmed her stomach in just the right way.

"I love this song." She smiled, humming along to the tune as she fell back, outstretching her arms to the spatters of sunlight glowing through the glass doors of her balcony, enjoying the cool breeze that fluttered her curtains.

Naruto grinned, crouching down beside her and extending a sun-tanned hand, "get up for a sec."

"What, why?" She questioned, allowing him to drag her to her feet before curling an arm around her waist and taking her hand into the other. She rolled her eyes but soon found herself following his gentle motions. They waltzed in the small space of her living room, his movements surprisingly graceful and comfortable for the usually playful and brash blonde.

"I like it too." He said, quickly, clumsily humming along with her. He sat his chin on the top of her head and his breath softly jostled her hair.

"You're an idiot." She smiled against his chest, allowing him to lead her in gentle swaying motions as the last bits of sunlight began glimmering through her door, washing them in the bright oranges and pinks of the setting sun.

"I like that you kept your hair short, it looks good on you." He whispered into her hair, twirling her around the back of the couch as her free hand rubbed gentle circles into the small of his back through his old, orange t-shirt.

"Yours looks nice too, you're a spitting image of the fourth." She smiled, pulling back to admire the mussied, gold locks defiantly falling around his chin.

"Really? I guess I should keep it long then." He laughed, dropping her into a slight dip as they moved, back down the hall in small, fluid motions.

Her bedroom was washed in the evening light as she fell onto her back, bouncing slightly against her scattered blankets and pillows as she eyed Naruto, he had a look she'd never seen before dancing in his sky blue eyes, and she wondered if he was the reason she was doing more cloud-gazing these days.

He slowly placed a knee beside her, giving her a moment of hesitation before settling the other beside her as well. She found her breath caught in her throat as he rested some of his weight on her, placing a steadying hand beside her head as he bent over her, blonde hair tickling her slightly flushed cheeks as his breath fanned over her lips, warmth radiating from everywhere he touched.

His other hand came forward to gently cup the side of her face, focusing her eyes onto his own. He looked like a different Naruto in this light, from this angle, and she found herself wetting her lips in anticipation as she eyed him through thick, pink lashes and half-lidded eyes.

"Can I kiss you, Sakura-Chan?" He whispered, lips just barely ghosting over her own as she propped herself up, closing the space between them without hesitation.

" _I'm… I'm sorry, Sakura. This isn't how I wanted it to end."_

Wherever she was- it wasn't home.

Her limbs refused to move and she could barely move her eyes behind her eyelids. Though her heart pounded painfully she couldn't gather enough breath to calm herself. She was paralyzed.

She focused on her surroundings, eyes watering involuntarily at the edges as she attempted to ground herself in reality. Wherever she was, it was dark. Dark enough not to see the faintest blob of light through her lightly closed eyelids. The floor beneath her was hard and cool, and… faintly moist. Presumably concrete. She was probably underground by the musty smell and damp air that surrounded her.

She was thrown carelessly onto her side, her wrists were bound behind her back but she couldn't cycle chakra so that didn't bode well for her. Presumably whatever was binding her wrists and ankles was disrupting her chakra channels.

Her mouth was sticky with dehydration and she could just barely smell the faint scent of urine in the air. Not pleasant, but it told her she'd been inactive long enough for her bladder to decide it just couldn't contain itself any longer. So presumably more than eight hours. Had she been drugged at the bar? She'd checked every drink she consumed beforehand. Maybe she'd been careless, gotten too drunk. Maybe it was an outside pathogen. Where had she been after that?

She could feel the constricting fabric of her tight, red dress still firmly pressed against her thighs, so she'd been taken after she left the bar, but everything else was lost in the fog of her mind.

She tried, without luck, to move the tips of her fingers and toes. When that didn't work, she tried to force her fuzzy mind to focus on the few facts she'd gathered while in Ame. Had the little band of punks actually gotten one over on her? After all, she hadn't exactly been taking the mission too seriously to begin with. She couldn't see them pulling something so organized off. Though, to them they weren't kidnapping the Hokage's apprentice. Just some random nuke who'd been going bar-to-bar asking too many questions so it was a low-risk mission. Though that also begged the question, why not just kill her? End it right then and there, send a message to anyone else that wanted to nose around in their business?

No. Maybe they wanted to know why she'd been asking so many questions. Who her connections were and where she'd last seen them. Still, the profile didn't fit the crime and she couldn't decipher exactly why they wouldn't just ambush her, why poison her? Maybe they had attempted to kill her and her body had unconsciously burned enough of the toxin out to simply leave her in a comatose state for a few hours.

Even if it was a botched attempt, why tie her up, why keep her bound in captivity? What was there to gain?

She racked her brain until it ached. She hadn't regained any more control over her limbs since awakening, that in itself was alarming enough. She couldn't feel any injuries other than stiffness in her joints from being left in an awkward position on a cement floor for several hours and a light rash between her thighs from urinating on herself at some point.

A slight rattling sound brought her back to her senses at breakneck speed. She could hear distant, soft, clamoring footsteps approaching from somewhere south of her. From the sound of the steps it was someone of a smaller stature, maybe a woman?

"You're awake, miss." A soft voice echoed through the room, letting her know it was much larger than she'd first assumed. The voice was definitely a male and from his slow-drawled but anxious voice he was younger. Maybe sixteen. Though the real question was- how did he know she was conscious? She couldn't even lift an eyelid and the pace of her breath hadn't changed since awakening.

"She hasn't moved, dumbass." A raspy voice called from somewhere in the room, somewhere to her left, it was Kaito. He didn't sound injured or too shook up, just distressed and aggressive. Which meant that for whatever time she'd been unconcious they hadn't tortured or interrogated him, she wasn't sure what that meant. Why had they taken him as well? Had he just been in the wrong place at the wrong time?

The unnamed man approached, and she was laid flat on her back. This position was much more uncomfortable and crushed her awkwardly bound hands under her full weight. Her heart pounded uncomfortably as he cut away her clothing. The floor felt cold and gritty against her bare skin and as the bindings on her wrists and ankles were cut away she nearly lurched, her chakra still refused to flow accordingly and there were few things that could disrupt a system of chakra like this unless the gang happened to have a spare hyuga lying around.

The unnamed man sat her upwards, leaning against his chest as he sloppily pulled a cotton t-shirt over her head, his fingers lingering uncomfortably long on her sides and the dip of her waist as he cut away the bindings over her chest and tugged the shirt down. He swiped her legs with a dampened cloth a few times and pulled a pair of loose shorts over her legs. Much to her relief, there was no lingering touches and as he dipped her head back to pour some much needed water into her mouth, rubbing the column of her throat to aid in swallowing, she felt a little better than before.

As good as one can feel while paralyzed and being held captive by an unknown group in an unknown location, that it.

He dabbed some kind of salve onto the bottom of her throat and a few strokes onto the small piece of chest below it, and she noticed her breathing came in slightly more generous puffs. She wondered if the damp atmosphere had affected her respiratory system or if that too was an effect by the unknown substance they'd used to drug her.

She was hoisted onto something like a sleeping matt before the man's hands disappeared completely and she could hear his receding steps. She tried to guess how many paces he made and calculated that the room was a rather large concrete shell, he crossed a threshold somewhere between her and the second door where she could no longer hear his footsteps. She was probably in a secondary cage for security, Kaito wasn't far beside her but there was probably a dividing wall between them. Since he knew she was immobile that meant he could actually _see_ her, which was good. They could communicate whenever or if ever she regained control of her body. They might be dosing her on purpose to keep her immobile. It was entirely possible this was a sex trafficking situation entirely unrelated to the reconnaissance mission in Ame, or rather, it could be their form of retaliation against her. There were too many possibilities and too little facts. She couldn't even see the room she was being held in.

"Hey,"

It was Kaito.

"Are you really awake?" He hissed, though his voice was hushed and tired sounding it somehow retained its usual annoyed tone.

She would roll her eyes if she had the ability.

After a few moments of silence she could hear his annoyed huff, he'd settled back into tense silence. She tried not to think too much on her own situation, she needed to focus on the how's and why's. Nothing was adding up, but surely Shikamaru would notice when she _and_ Kaito missed check-in that something is wrong. Kaito was anbu and could be tracked via the seal on his bicep, so it was just a waiting game until they could be rescued.

Could the man at the bar have been an informant? It was a possibility. As she'd remembered he'd barely touched his own drink and nearly emptied the bar to buy hers. It's still a possibility she'd been drugged there, and it had just been an extended release into her system.

She thought for what felt for a long time, racking her brain over and over for something- anything that could possibly help her make sense of the situation. The room was growing uncomfortably colder and she assumed that it meant night was growing closer.


End file.
